Finding Love Within
This Valentine’s Day, Love on You
I get a lot of questions on how I’m able to maintain my abstinence and not date as a 40-year-old woman. I also get reactions of shock when I explain that I’m still single. To many people, I’m beautiful, educated, driven, and anointed, which is the recipe for a great wife. I won’t argue those points, but one of the things I’ve learned to do is trust God with my love story.
It would be remiss for me to have a February issue of Girls Anthem magazine but not talk about one of the biggest days of the month in February. Love is something everyone longs for, even if they don’t admit it. I also want to be a counterculture regarding articles on love that teach women how to have better sex with their men, how to get the man and keep him, and how to be sure you’re pleasing your man.
When I was growing up, all the magazines had some kind of quiz or test that women took to determine if their men loved them or not, and what to do if he’s cheating. I wish there had been more quizzes on how to love yourself as a woman.
This isn’t going to be an article on four ways to ease back into dating or how to have a successful relationship. This will focus on ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day and how to honor your God-given love story.
1) Ask God what voids still exist in your life. After He reveals them to you, ask Him if and how you’ve tried to fill those voids with everything but Him. News flash: If you’re filling voids with everything but Him, you’re not ready for love. Love sent by God is meant to complement you, not complete you.
2) Ask God what still needs to be healed in your heart and emotions. Perhaps you don’t have any voids, or you’ve filled those empty places with God. The next step would be to see what still needs to be healed. God is a Healer, but He also provides resources for us to partner with someone for a deeper level of healing. Therapy is key here. As God highlights to you the areas that need healing, be proactive by seeking out a therapist who can assist you.
3) Ask God if you love yourself. You can ask yourself, but most people struggle to admit that they don’t love themselves. If you struggle with self-love, then you aren’t ready for love. Self-love helps you build healthy boundaries and even helps you create a vision for the kind of love you desire. You will need to work on this area until you truly love yourself.
4) Date yourself. If you aren’t willing to go to the movies, dinner, or even on a trip alone, then how can you truly get to know yourself? Dating yourself is one of the best ways to experience self-love because you’ll get to learn you. How can you give yourself to someone if you don’t know you?
5) Create an environment of love for yourself. Back in 2020, I texted myself a list of fourteen things that I love about myself. I look at that text whenever I need to. I also text myself occasional messages of encouragement. When you create an environment of love for yourself, you will find it easier to create one for someone else. Buy or send yourself flowers. Write sticky notes with love notes to yourself and leave them around your home. Make sure you’re loving yourself well so you can recognize good love when it shows up.
The ultimate goal for any of this isn’t so that you can find love. It’s so you can discover it within. Work on loving God and receiving His love for a season before walking into your own God-given love story.
