Romance Novel, The Essence of His Soul, Sheds Light on Family Pressure
Fiction with a purpose
Her name is Essence. Her desire to be a music mogul wasn’t just about a dream. It was about breaking free from the chains of bondage in her family that caused her to resent her father’s controlling and manipulative ways.
While I was developing her story for my novel, The Essence of His Soul, I realized the common threads in her story that mimicked the life of so many women that I’ve encountered, along with testimonies I’ve heard about overcoming parental wounds. While the story doesn’t take place during the holidays, I wanted to shed light on the issue that so many people face during the holiday season – family pressure.
Many of you can probably relate to Essence’s story, especially if you were raised as a Christian and found yourself following a path that your parents laid out for you. While I know this isn’t exclusive to disciples of Christ, I do believe the challenge that many people face in the body of Christ as it pertains to this is, “How do I obey God while honoring my parents?”
This ties into so many things, so for the sake of this blog post, I’ll just focus on the following:
How to pursue what God placed in your heart despite a lack of familial support
Essence knew that going into the music business was going to create tension between her and her father, Bishop Taylor. There’s a part where she admits that going into the business was her way of letting him know that he couldn’t control her destiny. Without giving too much of the novel away, I thought this was important to point out. We are always to obey God, no matter what anyone on this side of heaven says, and that includes our parents. To be clear, this is for adult children who are struggling with obeying an instruction from God that their parents don’t understand or support.
Essence’s father wanted her to work in ministry, following his path of ministry leadership. But Essence fell in love with music after interning for a music executive in Philly, where she grew up. Before anyone jumps to say, “She chose a secular path over a godly path,” you can save those opinions, especially if you haven’t read the book.
The point of her story and this article is to highlight how many times we feel pressure from family (sometimes even more than society) to pursue certain paths because they either “look” more godly, or they provide more financial security (or they just make more sense). There are a lot of women out there like my character Essence, but there are a whole lot more who didn’t dare to obey what they felt God calling them to do because they didn’t have their parent’s support.
1) Honoring your parents and obeying God are two separate things. Let’s get this straight out of the gate. When the word of God tells us to honor our parents, God is speaking about how to respect them and steward them well according to biblical principles. Honor is defined as high respect or great esteem. We honor people by the way we talk to them, love them, and respect them with our words and actions. Obeying your parents while they are raising you is of God. You should adhere to the guidelines that your parents set out for you as it pertains to life when you’re growing up in their household. Obeying God happens when you’ve developed your relationship with God and He gives you an instruction to do something that aligns with His word and His plan for your life, and you embark on that. He would never tell you to do anything that goes against His word, so if your parents raised you in Christ, they should be proud that you would do whatever God tells you to do, even if they don’t understand it.
2) Pursuing what God placed in your heart can encourage your parents to take a look at their decision-making. Imagine your mother coming to you and sharing that she realizes she was placing expectations on you the same way her mother did to her, only for her to take a step back and ask God to redirect her steps so that she’s in alignment with Him. I’ve seen this and it’s happened in my own life. My mother and I have grown closer because of my obedience to God and my faith moves. She admires that I discern His voice and know how to flow with Him in obedience. It’s not that I always get it right, it’s the fact that I’m constantly at His feet to make sure I’m in alignment with His will for my life. When I moved to Atlanta in late 2011, my mother and I were both scared. I wasn’t sure, but I knew I had to take a step. Thirteen years later, both of us have a closer relationship with God because one move caused us both to seek God more, study His word more, and listen to His voice regularly.
3) Lastly, part of being in a relationship with people is understanding that we may receive revelation and understanding about something before they do. Don’t let opposing opinions or thoughts about an instruction from God make you think your parents are automatically right. For example, if you’ve been spending more time in God’s word and have matured in several areas over some time, God knows what He can trust you with. He knows how to sharpen your character and what doors He needs to open (or close) to position you for His best. I’ll take the example of Pastor Stephanie Ike-Okafor for this part. If you don’t know who she is, I encourage you to look her up on YouTube and follow her ministry (if God leads you to). In short: Pastor Stephanie is Nigerian. She came to the United States at sixteen and has been here ever since. There were many moves between then and now (she’s thirty-four), that her mother didn’t understand. She’s very vocal about her testimony in this area. She shares how there were times her mother was upset with her, along with other members of her family, yet she knew she had to obey God. Today, she’s walking in her calling in ways that I’m sure she never could’ve imagined, and her family gets to see the fruit of her obedience. It’s hard carving out a path of your own; it’s even harder when you feel pressure from family.
The key is to make sure you’re in God’s word and that you stay at His feet. One of the defining factors in knowing if you’re indeed obeying God and not just moving off your emotions and some whimsical feelings is to know God’s word so you can detect His voice. This is key to moments like this. There will be times when you feel like you’re alone because the support is minimal, or you have none at all (earthly support). Knowing your Father’s voice is pivotal. So whether it’s pressure during the holiday season because you’re not married yet and don’t have children, or if it’s pressure about the career path you’ve chosen, that doesn’t seem to be working out in your family's eyes; or even if it’s family pressure regarding a move you’re about to make that you didn’t share with them, but your parents just couldn’t keep it confidential (side-eyes to the parents who don’t understand that family gossip is gossip), hold fast to God’s Word, His Lagos and Rhema word, and let Him order your steps. Ask Him for the spiritual eyesight to see the second set of footprints when you’re walking your journey alone.