The Beauty of Being Set Apart
I honestly thought I had done something wrong. I was obeying God, leaning into His Presence, and seeking His Face as I’d never done before, not out of obligation, but out of deep reverence and love for Him. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but it didn’t make sense that I was going through such a hard time emotionally, financially, and mentally. My spiritual growth was exploding, but every other area of my life felt stagnant, frustrated, and depleted.
It was the fall of 2021 and I’d just taken another leap of faith. God asked me to leave my part-time job as an Assistant Property Manager and go back to writing. What I didn’t know was that I’d be writing full-time. I’d always struggled with being creative, often feeling like I was gifted creatively, but couldn’t seem to find my footing financially. I’m one of those creatives who believes you can work a job and pursue your creative endeavors because that’s just wisdom. You don’t have to be a starving artist.
But when God gives you an instruction, He doesn’t show you the whole plan. He waits to see if you’ll obey and trust Him. When I was coming up on the first month’s rent that was due after I took my leap, I managed to pay it, but my account went into overdraft by $741. From November 2021 to July 2023, I would struggle immensely. Each month, God came through in different ways. There were some months when I had to ask for grace and pay in the middle of the month, trusting that God would somehow make a way.
I started asking God “What did I miss” when I went through this in previous seasons. Was there some lesson that I had yet to learn? I didn’t want to keep going around the same mountain. I knew this wasn’t about stewardship, because there were times I barely had anything to steward. I’m one of those people who would rather endure hard times because I did something wrong than to be going through just because. It’s hard hearing God tell you that He trusts you and that He has more for you, yet your season doesn’t match that.
That was when I learned what it meant to be set apart. Being set apart by God may sound exciting, but the obedience required in these seasons is something you have to be pruned into. To be set apart means that God isolates you for a season (or seasons) to prepare you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, for the call of God on your life. It requires you to submit to God’s process of preparing you for the next leg of your journey. It’s not about not being able to go where you used to go or not being able to do what you used to do. God had me so set apart in that season that I couldn’t even get my hair done professionally like I used to. Can you see why I felt like I was being punished?
He was so committed to the process of building me that He didn’t even want a hair stylist’s fingerprints to get in the way of what He was doing. Now, I’m not fussing about not being able to get my hair done (although it was rough), but other elements of that season were beyond frustrating. I had just started going back to the church I was a member of in Atlanta, only for my car to go down three months later. I couldn’t even go to church.
We may think the idea of God telling us not to hang with a certain group of people makes sense, or not going to certain events we used to frequent is what being set apart should look like. But I never thought God would pull me out of a physical church and have me sitting at home, ordering Instacart to get my groceries delivered simply to process me the way He desired.
Lastly, being set apart isn’t about you setting yourself apart. You may give God the ‘yes’, but He’s the one that does the work. Here are three reasons God sets you apart:
1. He is preparing you for another level of your destiny that requires a wilderness season
2. He wants you to draw closer to Him and get rooted in your identity in Christ so that your new season won’t make or break you
3. He’s developing your anointing on another level and doesn’t want any distractions or interruptions
So, how do we handle these seasons?
Submit like Mary
Mary was preparing to marry Joseph, a young girl who had never been married before (Luke 1). She was someone who at just fourteen years old, found herself the recipient of a promise that she didn’t ask for. What I love about Mary is that she allowed herself to feel all the emotions – confusion, bewilderment, sadness, and excitement – without feeling like that took away from her being worthy of the assignment. She accepted God’s will while being confused.
Another thing I love about Mary is that she understands the power of protective partnership. She visited Elizabeth, who was also pregnant, and stayed with her for several months. During this time, Mary was in a state of seclusion. She didn’t try to go and share the news with any and everyone. Imagine carrying the Savior of the world and knowing that He is going to change lives. Most of us would’ve been ready to post on Instagram and Facebook. Mary realized that if God would go this far to get to her, she needed to protect what He’d given her.
She went and found her cousin, someone who was also carrying a miracle, and stayed with her. I can only imagine their conversations and their prayer life during that time. Their morning times with God were probably super powerful as they submitted to God’s plan for their lives. Lastly, I love how Mary understood the power of stewardship in this season. She knew that if God would go out of His way to send an angel to deliver a message, there was something special about the baby she would carry. She understood stewardship from pregnancy to birth. Even when the wise men visited her after she gave birth, she listened to the things they said about Jesus, yet she pondered them in her heart (Luke 2:19). She didn’t go around shouting to the world that her Son was going to not only save the world but perform miracles, signs and wonders.
If you’re in a season of being set apart, here are some tips to handle it with wisdom:
1) Spend as much time in the secret place as possible. Again, this goes without saying, but to be honest, many people try to wiggle out of these seasons. It’s one thing to go through hardships when you’re still able to hang with your family or go out with friends over the weekend to get a break from life; but in most of my seasons where I’ve been set apart, not only was my phone dry, but my life felt stagnant. Nobody wants to be that uncomfortable. I remember crying out one day about my mental health suffering from the season I was in. Two minutes later, my phone rang, and it was someone offering to come hang with me. She was an older woman and while I wouldn’t want her to drive an hour just to sit with me, I knew the Lord was responding to my cry. I couldn’t choose who I wanted to hang with, I had to trust that even during a meltdown, He would provide. He wanted it to be someone that He knew He could trust with me in that season. The secret place will be your best friend in this season. I even encourage you to go in and forget about setting a timer. Fill yourself up on God’s Word, learn scripture, and truly become the woman of God that God intends.
2) Minimize conversations with those that God hasn’t assigned to this season. God isn’t cruel. He won’t have you in a season like that without at least one person that you can go to when it gets downright difficult. Again, Mary had Elizabeth and Naomi had Ruth. He’s not trying to punish you, He’s trying to shape you. He knows the people who will push you to stay where He has you even when you want to get out. He also knows the people who will confuse you and make you feel like it doesn’t take “all of that” to pursue God.
3) Be gentle with yourself in this season. There will be times when you question God, you want to scream and yell, when you want to give up, and when you just want to go backward. Be gentle and extend yourself grace. I created my prayer room in that season to keep me up when I wanted to break down. When I couldn’t find the words to pray, I read what I already had on my wall. This helped me to shift the atmosphere whenever depression tried to overwhelm me. I didn’t beat myself up for not being able to pray for hours, I simply flowed with the Holy Spirit.
4) Work out and take care of your health. One of the things that kept me sane during this season was my workout regimen. I refused to allow the stress of that season to cause me to let myself go. Walking for two miles a day or swimming a few times a week helped me with my mental health. Being set apart requires you to be disciplined. Too often, people focus on spiritual disciplines in these seasons but forget about other things. We have to remember that God cares about every part of our lives. He knows how hard seasons like this are. You can lift some of the weight off by eating right and working out.
5) Keep your mouth shut. Don’t curse your season. The temptation to want to curse this type of season is strong. You feel like the world is passing you by and you can’t seem to find your footing. Going back to what I said before, you’re obeying God, but you feel like you’re being punished. You have to keep your mouth from cursing your season. I found a balance between sharing my thoughts in therapy (or in my voice diary) and speaking life. Whenever I shared with my therapist how I felt and it wasn’t positive, I made sure I covered it in prayer before speaking. When I recorded on my voice diary my frustrations, I would always pray that my words would be garbled to the enemy so that he wouldn’t be able to accuse me of speaking death. God isn’t saying you can’t be vulnerable, but you have to be careful with how you express yourself in these seasons.
6) Take notes. This may not be the only time you go through a season like this. Take notes. God doesn’t put you through things just for you to go through them. They are meant to teach you something. Be sure to take notes and document your journey. God may have you write a book about it one day. You never know how God will use this season of your life, especially since He wastes nothing. Keep track of scriptures that He highlights to you repeatedly, create playlists with songs that minister to your spirit and soul, keep a prayer journal, and be sure to record your answered prayers. God is always moving, even in these seasons, so you should keep track of it.
Being set apart isn’t punishment - it’s purification and preparation for God’s best for your life. Submit to the process and obey during this season. It will pay off.