It was late summer 2019. I was working in banking, grateful that God had opened a door for me to work in an industry I’d been trying to break into for several years. Shortly after starting, I was transferred to the headquarters, a request I had submitted for a month prior. At the new location, several of us were going through a transition, including the branch manager, who was retiring. A few weeks later, a new branch manager was brought in, and a spirit of ease seemed to be hovering over the branch. I was excited – new branch, new colleagues, and new season. But shortly after, the drama started.
Before I continue, I want to point out that you may be used to seeing “kindness” and “goodness” together when reading Galatians 5:22, and that’s how I was originally prepared to write this article. But the Holy Spirit told me to put “kindness” and “meekness” (gentleness) together, elaborating on them through my time in banking.
If you’re wondering why it matters, let me paint the picture: In March 2020, the world shut down due to the pandemic, and our country was going through a civil uprising that mimicked the times of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Two major current events were taking a toll on everyone in the world in some way, shape or form (the pandemic and the murder of George Floyd). Spiritually, there was even more going on inside the walls of the bank. Not only did I feel like I was in a physical battle (being an essential worker, having to be mindful of physical interactions that could cause me to be sick, looking out for my elderly family members, etc.), but I was in a huge spiritual battle.
During the winter of 2020, I encountered some of the most challenging warfare I had ever experienced. Much of it had to do with my boss. Our branch manager was a middle-aged Caucasian man, who was initially warm and inviting, though you could tell he didn’t take any stuff. I could tell that the member service representatives felt like we would all gel together well as we found our groove in this new season.
I quickly realized that God was requiring more out of me than I thought I could give and that’s where kindness and meekness come in. There were days this man made our lives miserable (there were five women, including me, with one being the assistant branch manager). I never made it a race issue, because he treated all of us horribly; however, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to make it about that considering the climate in the country.
I remember fasting with one of my co-workers. I told her I felt compelled to pray for this man (mainly because if I didn’t, he would feel my wrath – haha). When we talked on the phone that Sunday to pray for him, she shed some light on some of the personal things he was going through. We all knew that he was going through a divorce, but I didn’t know (nor did I need to), the details surrounding the divorce. We also prayed for his dad, who was in hospice.
It dawned on me that this man had come into the company with a chip on his shoulder, not because of us, but because of what he was going through outside of the bank. While I don’t make excuses for people because we’re all going through hard times, I do understand that as a disciple of Christ, we have to extend grace in circumstances where we’d probably much rather hold a grudge and return evil for evil (1 Peter 3:9-14).
So, with that, I want to give a few tips on how to flow in kindness and meekness during tense situations where you feel mistreated, especially with people you can’t always disconnect from (family, co-workers, church family, etc.). Not everyone who treats us crazy will be people who we only encounter one time at the grocery store. More often than not, they may be living under the same roof.
1) Protect your witness at all costs. The enemy is waiting to say, “I told you so”. Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. When I think about that definition, I realize that every time I came into the bank, I had the opportunity to either respond negatively or stand firm in knowing that since I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I didn’t have to let him get to me. Typically, when you’re not doing anything wrong, you often feel you should defend yourself, but I remembered something pivotal during this time. Every day, they allowed me to come in and plug my phone into the music system, and I would play gospel. I discerned that he wasn’t a Christian. Imagine me responding to him in the same mean and nasty way that he often did. All it takes is for the enemy to whisper in an unbeliever’s ear, “I told you so,” for them to justify why they don’t want a relationship with Christ. We’re supposed to be image bearers. How we extend kindness, through considerate and friendly behavior, especially when someone doesn’t deserve it, shows more of Christ than anything we could ever say. Protect your witness.
2) Being gentle doesn’t make you a punk. It makes you worthy of being called a Christian (a follower of Christ). Meekness (gentleness) has been defined as “power under restraint”, however, I love this definition of ‘gentleness’ that I got from “Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology”: sensitivity of disposition and kindness of behavior, founded on strength and prompted by love. In other words, kindness will show up in my disposition when it’s founded on strength (a strength I get from the Holy Spirit) and prompted by love (agape love). Here’s the thing. We’ll deal with way more difficult people in this life than we will those who are patient and loving, yet it’s more convenient to use the Christian label when it costs us nothing. Being gentle requires more strength than snapping at someone. There were days I walked into work thinking, “What kind of strong woman am I if I allow him to keep treating me this way?”. I’m not saying we should disrespect authority at any time; however, there’s a thin line between you being my boss and talking to me like I’m your child. It’s tempting to want to speak up for ourselves when we’re being disrespected. I didn’t realize the deep work the Holy Spirit was doing in me, but I knew that it was only God who helped me submit to the spirit of gentleness when the North Philly girl wanted to roar. I don’t just want to say I’m a Christian. I want to be worthy of being a Christ follower.
3) We can’t pray against the spirits that are waging war and come into agreement with them at the same time. Through prayer and spending time with The Lord daily, it was revealed to me the different spirits my former boss was dealing with. Pride, manipulation, and rebellion were the main ones. I remember when the civil uprising hit downtown Philadelphia. Every day, we were coming in and discussing the riots, looting, and frustrations that my city was experiencing. One day, one of my colleagues and I were discussing some of the events going on. When our boss walked over, she pointed an article out to him online, sharing her thoughts. He crossed his arms, huffed, and said he didn’t care about what was going on. At that moment, the spirit of defense and pride rose in me, but I quickly averted my attention elsewhere. Months later, when things finally came to a head and we all had to give statements about his treatment of the employees, I shared his comments about the George Floyd situation, but I didn’t manipulate the situation. I simply shared the pain I experienced hearing anyone, regardless of race, say something like that during a time when black people were extremely fragile. I remember telling the VP of employee experience: “Listen, I’m only sharing this with you because I’m hurting and I’m tired of all the nonsense. I don’t want him to get fired. I can’t imagine what he’s going through, with his father dying and his wife leaving him.” I wasn’t trying to get him fired when I knew in my heart, he didn’t mean it that way. He wasn’t saying he didn’t care about black people and what they were going through. He was honest that he couldn’t care about the issues in the world at large and the ones in his world. Was it insensitive? Absolutely. But was it racist? No. As she encouraged me to put it all down on paper, I could feel the spirit of manipulation trying to convince me that he deserved to be fired, even if it wasn’t for that. It would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Our CEO had just fired two people for their racist comments on Facebook, so I knew that this could be bad for him. Yet, what kind of disciple would I be to come into agreement with the same spirits I was asking God to deliver him from? I decided to include all the other grievances, just as the Holy Spirit had instructed me to do, and left out that one from my official report. I also asked the regional manager not to fire him when he came in to do further investigation. Five women, two white, two black, and one Asian, all had the same story. There was no need to add fuel to the fire. If they wanted to fire him, it would be because of the daily frustrations we had experienced, not me trying to make it about one moment.
Listen, kindness and meekness are probably two areas we will be constantly trained in as disciples. Extending kindness and meekness in the cold world we live in today requires patience, love, and being unoffendable. This is why I believe we need to trust God in hard situations. There’s always fruit being developed in us when we go through the hard things, and if we shortchange the process, we miss out on bearing good fruit that will sustain us beyond other people’s bad attitudes and nasty remarks. We get to stand ten toes down in grace and walk out what we preach about.
I recall God saying to me clearly in that season, “If you can pass this test, you’ll master so much.” There were many days I went home crying, but I went back to work in warrior mode. Not to fight him, but to stand in my position and let the Lord fight for me (Exodus 14:13-14). I witnessed him treat us badly on Monday, only to come in and favor me on Tuesday and Wednesday. I don’t want to take away from the fact that he was a decent human being that had good qualities, he was just going through a hard season.
Lastly, it reminded me of the times that I haven’t been the nicest person to be around. The grace and love people extended to me when I was behaving more like Saul than David helped me be a conduit of God’s love when the shoes were on another set of feet.
Holiday Issue Note:
Hey family. This Friday, December 20th, our holiday issue launches. You’ll receive ONE email with the audio interview of our feature story, "Healed for The Holidays," featuring Paige Dumas and Erica Bailey-Paul. You’ll also receive links to each article featured under its respective section (i.e., Health Beyond the Holidays for the “Health Hits” section). In that email, there will be a link to purchase the FULL COLOR PDF of the magazine ($5.99). Print versions will be available for $12.99, and there will be a link to purchase that as well. Our PDF & print versions include a few extras, such as:
Editor’s Letter
“A Few of Our Favorite Things” section (highlights music, books, and entertainment for the soul)
A free, surprise holiday gift bundle!
We have two more articles left in the “When Fruit Speaks” series. I pray that it has blessed you so far. If so, share with fellow disciples, and be sure to encourage them to subscribe to the digital magazine. We’re just getting started!
